SkADaMo Revealed

When I agreed to participate in SkADaMo, I wasn't prepared to scan my sketches every day.  My computer equipment is from the Dark Ages.  When I realized other participants had been posting their drawings, I began the arduous process of digitizing my work, but there was something else I wasn't prepared for.  I wasn't prepared for the emotional punch in the stomach that I received when I thought about actually letting my peers see my sketches.

I had been happily cruising along in my PiBoIdMo notebook, alternating lists of ideas with doodles to get the creative juices flowing.  I had rehearsed my new battle cry: Silence The Inner Critic.  Up to now, it had been working.

As I paged through the first dozen drawings, my critic resurfaced.

He cried, "Ewww, not that one!"

He shouted, "You can do better than that!"

He fairly screamed, "Aren't you embarassed?"

I have agonized these last nine days over putting pencil to paper.  I have struggled with wanting to experiment, to stretch myself, to enjoy the process versus being willing to allow myself to be exposed as anything less than polished.

My solution is simple, but not easy:
When my Inner Critic shouts, his voice is drowned out by a murmuring chorus.

I hear Robert Weinstock mutter, "Embrace your lostness."

I hear Deborah Freedman whisper, "Occupy til there is no more shouting and it is quiet."

I remember Kelly Light telling me not to sink into the pit of self-doubt.

I obey Debbie Ridpath Ohi when she says take a deep breath, stop obsessing, and eat chocolate.

And I hear all the voices of all the talented book-making, book-loving people like Tara Lazar who support each other on the journey to Becoming.  This is what I am thankful for this November.

sketches by Joanne Roberts